During the past 20 years the field of Domestic adoption has moved from a strictly closed process to a variety of fluid adoption models. Birth mothers and adoptive families are offered choices as to what future contact will be acceptable to both parties. Will they have an open, semi open, closed or semi closed adoption plan, and will there be flexibility for change as time goes by?
Why was domestic adoption revamped? The main intention was to lessen the myriad of emotional issues endured by all members of the closed model. Within this discussion we will refer to the "adoption triad" which is the inclusive term for the birth parents, the adopted child and the adoptive parents.
Within the completely closed adoption model, secrets were kept and many life circumstances remained unresolved. The reality that secrets can make life more difficult for humans was not an unknown awareness. However, with birth parents facing shame, judgments and minimal advocacy for their rights, the simple solution was to conceal the source and move on with a new reality for their child.
Adult adoptees faced closed doors and many legal barriers when deciding to search for answers regarding their biological families. If they were successful in breaking through and finding answers, many times they faced uncomfortable situations with birth mothers who had no idea the child she placed so many years ago would be reappearing without any notice. Birth mothers had begun new lives and tried to heal old wounds by closing the doors to their pasts. In many cases, they were not able to welcome their birth children back into their lives, resulting in all both members of the triad being forced to experience a new pain they had not expected. The adult adoptees that searched faced a form of rejection and became the victims of a system that didn't work in their best interest. Adoptive parents witnessed their children facing closed doors, and pain.
Adoptive parents had created their families with hopes that their children would have no need to search for their birth parents, because they were so loved and cherished. In fact, some children were never told they were adopted. Many of these children felt their desire to even ask questions about their roots would be perceived as disloyal, purporting a lack of gratitude for the life they had been given.
Today's domestic adoptions continue to evolve and change as unique agreements are designed between birth parents and adoptive families. When working with all members of the adoption triad, our agency's ultimate goal is to consider what is in the best interest of the child. The adoption professionals providing services to our families, biological and adoptive, take seriously their responsibilities to address the desires of all parties involved in the placement. We present options while taking into account preferences of both sides throughout the adoption process. It is our intent to honor the circumstances of all our families and to understand the issues they are facing, as well as, what might surface in the future.
All parties come to the adoption process having endured loss, through a variety of painful emotional experiences, which require letting go and an acceptance of their life circumstances. The choice to place your unborn child for adoption is an unselfish, excruciatingly difficult decision for a birth parent which ultimately results in loss. Most adoptive parents come to the process after enduring the loss of their natural born right to conceive a child. All members of this process, eventually, are basing their decisions on what is in the best interest of the unborn child. In most circumstances, the unborn child is raised in a loving family system that is thrilled to be blessed by the amazing miracle of adoption. However, that adopted child has legitimately experienced a loss, as well, of their biological family.
The advent of open adoption was created by adoption professionals to alleviate some of the pain that results from these losses through more flexible adoption models. Each adoption is unique. The term open adoption encompasses a variety of permutations created through the collaboration of the adoption triad and the professionals who assist them. The future will tell us if we have succeeded.
By: Lenore Grabel
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